If you think Michael Jackson movies are weird, you need to get a load of knock off Michael Jackon. Our pal Lemroe is an alien private eye (who would've thunk it?). The movie opens up with Lemroe beating the absolute fuck out of people in a poorly choreographed fight scene, wooing the lady that was there. Said lady proceeds to get fucked by Lemroe in an equally poorly choreographed (and also lengthy) sex scene. Meanwhile, outside of bone town, Killgore establishes himself as the big bad by getting people hooked on an alien drug called Soma, explained much later in the movie to be the most addictive drug in the galaxy that is almost as good as having sex and takes five uses to be addicted for life. Withdrawal symptoms of the drug include death from NEED FOR THAT SWEET SWEET NECTAR. Killgore drugs up this chick who's 80s hot and laughs in the way that shitty villains from shitty 80s movies laugh.
Lemroe, in a presumably post coitus high, talks about some disk maguffin that's important for some reason and is also punishable by death to own. Some other stuff that doesn't really matter happens, yadda yadda yadda, and boom, Lemroe goes to confront Killgore, but gets injected with Soma twice. Lemroe comes back later with some wrist guns and blows away some Soma fiends who work for Killgore and finally faces off in his last battle, maguffin disk in hand and alien anti-disk squad after him. Lemroe, instead of killing Killgore in like 3 seconds with his wrist lasers, is challenged to hand to hand combat. Killgore loses not because of Lemroe's might, but because he swallowed an instant poison death pellet that he kept on his tooth like an absolute fucking Einstein. Hard cut to credits.
If your looking for a quintessential generic bad 80s action movie, our boy Lemroe's got you covered. Cheesy villain? Check. Violence? In spades. Titties? Perhaps the only memorable scene besides Killgore chanting a bastardized Lord's Prayer to a picture of Adolf Hitler. This movie is beyond over the top. You can make sense of the plot if you'd like, but it's more fun to just observe the director's brainstorming ideas all make it past the cutting room floor.
SOMA / 10